Meeting and getting comfortable with new people as an introvert may sometimes feel like a punishment.
What’s worse than letting total strangers invade your comfort zone, right?
Now add the pressure of getting it right with romantic relationships, and you are just about ready to explode!
If you are an introvert and struggle to meet new people, here are a few introvert dating tips for shy guys that will come in handy.
Online Dating for Introverts: 13 Useful Tips
When it comes to meeting people, introverts need all the help they can get. While I will not urge you to go out and throw yourself out there, the least I can do is give you a few pointers on how to date online without feeling anxious about it.
It doesn’t get any easier than this
It doesn’t matter whether you are painfully shy or enjoy your own solitary company way too much. Online dating is as easy as it will get for you as an introvert!
There is a sense of safety that the arrangement provides. That allows you to get to know different people without stepping too far out from where you feel comfortable.
Be honest when setting up your profile
Your profile is a window into your personality. The last thing you want is to trap yourself in a lie that you will have to keep up with!
So, the #1 rule of dating for introverts is, to be honest about who you are and what a potential match will be getting. You could even poke fun at your shy or introverted personality. Just don’t lean in too hard with self-deprecation.
Do not take on too many interests at once
One of the greatest challenges you will have to deal with is having too many options with online dating.
Yep, you read that right.
You probably wonder how it is even remotely possible to have too many interests and suitors. The more, the merrier, right?
If you are an introvert, the last thing you want to do is get overwhelmed by the number of people you are talking to!
Have an idea of what you’re looking for in a person
With so many fish in the virtual sea, you will need some help narrowing things down. It doesn’t hurt to list things you are looking for in a potential partner.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you turn into a stereotypical rom-com protagonist with an actual list of must-have traits. Not at all. However, knowing your must-haves and non-negotiables is an excellent way to weed out the wrong people.
Choose the right type of person
Personality compatibility is essential, especially as an introvert. You need someone who will understand when you have one of those days when you just don’t feel like talking; someone who will not push you to be social if you are uncomfortable.
While it is possible to find an understanding extrovert, it goes without saying that life is easier with a fellow introvert.
Be honest with yourself (and about yourself)
Being an introvert is not a disease. It is not something to be ashamed of. And it is most definitely not something you need to change to find love.
Therefore, be as authentic as you possibly can. It is also important to inform potential matches of your introverted disposition. That will allow them to get a better idea of what to expect while also giving them a chance to run while it is still early.
You do not owe anyone anything
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy or withdrawn or whatever other forms your introverted nature takes.
However, this does not mean that people get to walk all over you or use you when it comes to online dating.
Remember how easy it is to turn down that party invitation in real life? Well, use the same zeal to turn down anyone you do not feel you vibe with. They will get over it.
It takes two to tango
Online dating is about mutual effort. Being an introvert does not excuse you from making any effort.
Remember that for every person you are interested in, several more people are also shooting for it.
So, you need to bring your A-game – pick up your phone, be the one to text first, and work with the person to keep the conversation flowing.
Choose active dates
One of the biggest challenges of dating as an introvert is knowing how to break the ice or carry a conversation, especially when you are new to each other. Active dates are so awesome because they allow you to let loose and focus on anything else other than struggling to find something to talk about.
Anyone can make the first move
This fun little tip applies mainly to female introverts interested in online dating. Gone are the days when damsels had to wait for dashing gents to make the first move!
Making the first move is a great way to be a part of this new age of love and also to get over your reservations. It will rip you out of your comfort zone and drag you into a whole new world, and it will be worth it.
Prep ahead for conversation topics
If you know that conversation does not flow easily for you, it doesn’t hurt to prepare. This doesn’t mean coming up with a script and scribbling it on your hand like some underdog character in a rom-com.
However, having conversation topics lined up could help you keep that ball rolling. Read these online dating conversation starters to help you make the first move!
Ditch the apps that stress you out
Online dating may help you avoid physical interaction, but it is every bit as socially draining. As an introvert, it is almost inevitable that the whole process will get old and stressful with time. If it starts to feel like a chore, then take some time out to recharge before getting back into it.
Embrace the sites ideal for introverted personalities
Not all online dating service are the same. Some are perfect for outgoing, bubbly personalities, while others are built to accommodate introverts just like you.
The tip to a successful online dating experience is to find these sites and make them your priority if you are serious about finding love online. We’ll take a look at some of the best online dating apps for introverts below.
Best Dating Websites for Introverts
If How I Met Your Mother had been filmed in 2022, the show wouldn’t have lasted more than a season. In this day and age, you can meet your mister or missus right from the comfort of your home, with a few left or right swipes on your phone – which is the ideal scenario for introverts.
How do you ask? By using the best online dating apps for introverts!
Dating.com is as simple as it gets when it comes to online dating. You’re required to create your account and fill out the “About You” section. After that, you can get straight into the good stuff of looking through the options you have from the preferences you chose. You don’t even have to confirm your email address.
You’ll find people in all age groups from 18 to 55+ years looking for love, deep commitment, serious relationships, and who also have a thing for online casual flirting.
There’s a generally good balance of males and females, and you can be sure to find several profiles that fit the bill as far as your personal preferences go.
Several interesting features on the site will spice up your dating experiences. The features include:
- a standard messaging option for chatting with members through instant chats or emails
- a video call feature.
- the “Let’s Mingle” provision for sending introductory messages to a large group of people simultaneously.
- the ability to send virtual and real gifts to other members will make your conversations more interesting.
To access the features, you’ll need a membership and credits.
- Free version: Yes
- 150 credits per month: $49 ($0.33 per credit)
- 600 credits per month: $149.99 ($0.25 per credit)
- 1,500 credits per month: $299.99 ($0.20 per credit)
- Premium membership subscription for the Dating.com app: $9.99/month
Why It’s a Good Dating App for Introverts
One good thing about Dating.com is that they’ll give a refund if you get scammed by a fake profile. That means you’ll get back all the credits you spent trying to figure out if the profile was really right for you.
Plus, you can see detailed information about your potential better-half before speaking to them, making it easy to know if they match your qualifications even before you reach out to them. So, you don’t have to start an awkward conversation with someone you’re not even sure is a good fit for you.
DateMyAge is the online dating site to befriend when you’ve hit 40 and seek a partner who’s also in your age bracket.
Upon giving brief information about your gender and what you’re after in terms of your ideal partner, you’ll choose the age range you want your partner to be in. Once you hit the “Meet 45+ Singles” button, you’ll be taken to the account creation page. You can decide to sign up through your Google account or give your email and preferred password.
After that, you are prompted to share your interests, preferred qualities, and more details about yourself. As soon as you’re done, the fun begins – you’ll get to the member’s area and begin the search for your soulmate.
You’ll meet thousands of singles over 40 years who want to have straight romantic relationships with people around their age from different corners of the world.
Features that stand out are designed to fasten your connection to the potential love of your life. These include:
- the advanced search for filtering your results,
- the “Let’s Mingle” feature for introducing yourself to many members at once,
- live support for any issues you might experience,
- broadcasts for live videos,
- the provision of sending physical or virtual gifts to those you may want to impress.
- Free version: Yes
- 50 credits per month: $15.99 ($0.32 per credit)
- 600 credits per month: $149.99 ($0.25 per credit)
- 1500 credits per month: $299.99 ($0.20 per credit)
Why It’s a Good Dating App for Introverts
The good thing about DateMyAge is that it allows you to send introductory messages to many members at once and automate the small talk most introverts are not really good at. That paves the way to get into deeper topics and figure out if who you’re talking to is the one.
Also, if you struggle with making the first move and have a hard time breaking the ice with strangers, the platform can help you look like a pro, given that it was made by dating experts.
If you’re looking for diversity, OkCupid might just be the right site for you. It supports more than 20 sexual orientations and is available in 4 languages – English, French, Turkish and German.
Upon submitting your basic information on the account creation page, you’ll receive a questionnaire aimed at helping OkCupid understand your sexual orientation, habits, relationship desires, religion, likes, dislikes, personality, relationship needs, and hobbies. The platform then takes your answers and looks for someone who has what you want and suggests them to you along with your compatibility percentage.
OkCupid is loaded with 91 million+ hot singles like yourself, around 25 to 34 years old, who might want to broaden their social circles. Much more than enabling you to meet new people, OkCupid is the place for those looking for something serious and hopefully settling down.
You get quite interesting features within the platform. The “Double Take” is basically a Tinder-like feature that lets you swipe right or left to people suggested for you. The “See Who You Like” and “See Who Likes You” features are self-explanatory. If you wish to categorize your matches, you will make good use of the “Stacks” feature. As if this wasn’t enough, the site comes with “Boost” and “Super Boost” features that help increase your visibility.
Oh, and if you need a few pointers, check the OkCupid blog for tips on finding and keeping your soulmate.
- Free version: Yes
- 1-month premium subscription: $34.99 per month
- 3 months premium subscription: $23.33 per month
- 6 months premium subscription: $17.49 per month
- 1 boost credit: $6.99
- 5 boost credits: $5.99
- 10 boost credits: $4.99
Why It’s a Good Dating App for Introverts
Whether you’re an English, Turkish, French, or German-speaking introvert, the dating site ensures you don’t miss out on the chance to virtually meet your destined one. Also, as unique as your gender or sexual orientation may be, OkCupid’s got you covered.
Are you tired of running your finger right and left on your phone screen for the matches you like and don’t like? Want a more interesting and creative approach? Well, welcome to Coffee Meets Bagel!
First, you begin by creating your account through your Facebook account, where most of your details will be pulled from. Alternatively, you can use your phone number. Then, your matches will be suggested based on the personal details the app gets from you.
With Coffee Meets Bagel, you’ll find fewer but more targeted matches serious about love and want long-term relationships – mostly young adults in their late 20s or early 30s.
The special features that make finding love easy on the app include the “LadiesChoice” feature that sends you matches, also called bagels, each day in the afternoon when you’re taking your lunch break.
Another worthy feature is the “Discover” option which allows you to see matches based on your location. The “Give” and “Take” features enable you to match your friends with their potential lovers and get found by someone you admire. There are plenty of other features I urge you to test on your own, such as “Photo Lab,” “Rematch,” “Open Sesame,” “Express Delivery,” “Mirror Mirror,” “Question of The Day,” “Ready to Meet,” and “Woo.”
- 1-month premium subscription: $34.99
- 3 months premium subscription: $74.99
- 6 months premium subscription: $119.99
- 12 months premium subscription: $179.99
- 100 bean credits: $1.99 ($0.02 per credit)
- 2,000 bean credits: $23.99 ($0.01 per credit)
- 3,000 bean credits: $24.99 ($0.01 per credit)
Why It’s a Good Dating App for Introverts
The “Woo” feature helps you stand out from the huge competition and let someone you strongly feel could be “The One” know you’re into them.
In the offline world, you probably would have just let them go because you don’t want face-to-face altercations or physical competition. However, this feature spares you the time, effort, and possible embarrassment and lets you go into a virtual war for your heart’s desires.
Creating Your Online Dating Profile
Creating your online dating profile doesn’t have to be mind-boggling, even if you’re a rookie. The main idea behind online dating profiles is to give a clear and welcoming vibe that invites the right people in.
Now you might wonder what inviting the right people means, and how do you even do that?
Well, it’s not as complicated as it sounds!
It simply means finding the right photos and giving enticing information about yourself that makes people want to know you better.
Upload the right photos
When you upload photos, ensure you go for the ones where you’re smiling, and the photos have been taken in good lighting. Don’t forget the pics that bring you out in your natural state too. You’ll surely get better-tailored matches with unedited photos than trying to ‘sell’ yourself for something you’re not.
Feel free to take a selfie doing something you love, like traveling, and let that sweaty face or slightly loose and odd-looking hair be seen. People who are genuinely interested in you will want to see that realistic side of you as well.
Take time with your bio
As for the description area, beef it up with interesting things about your work and personal life. Share hobbies and your favorite places to visit, and describe them in a way that accommodates the potential suitors who’ll read it. You can add a line like, “I also like trying out new cool things that you love!” Let them know that you’re willing to share their interests.
Most importantly, before you hit the “Publish” button on the description, read it through to ensure there are no spelling or grammatical mistakes. Those turn people off very fast, and you don’t want to be left wondering why a person you expressed your interest in still hasn’t responded to you.
However, don’t be very formal; it’s a dating profile, not an interview. The rule of thumb is: no one likes a know-it-all!
Your profile may not always reflect everything about you, even if you wanted to. The description offers only so much space to talk about yourself, so try to highlight the main aspects of your personality in the fewest words possible.
First Date Tips
At this point, someone has run through your profile, they‘ve heard Cupid whispering your name in their ears, and you have landed yourself a date with them!
Congratulations on getting through all the hurdles.
Now, what do you do from here? Certainly not Googling the person you’re about to go on a date with! There’s always the tendency and desire to want to have everything figured out, but this is one of those times you just have to let things flow naturally.
Wear comfortable clothes
Beginning with the clothes you’ll wear, just pick something comfy that is a more decent version of your daily clothing. Don’t overdo it – remember, you’re possibly meeting your partner for life, so don’t try to wow them with a fake image of who you are.
Prepare a few topics to talk about
As for what you’ll talk about, let one casual topic lead to another and slowly build up your conversation into deep topics naturally instead of getting into deep stuff right away and making the other person feel limited and choked by the conversation.
Don’t back out
Also, before the actual date, don’t hope and pray the other person cancels the date so that you can finish up on your novel or stay under your warm blanket and watch your favorite TV show!
Don’t keep checking your phone, hoping to find the cancellation message. Instead, hope that they get to meet you! You should see it as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, and with your fingers crossed, find your long-awaited soulmate.
Listen to your date carefully
I can’t stress enough how important it is not to take the “I’m an introvert and introverts suck at interactions” mindset to your date. This will get you back home disappointed. While introverts are not good at initiating and maintaining conversations, they are really good listeners. And you can use that strength to your advantage.
By allowing the other person to talk and express themselves, you can make them feel heard and show that you’re interested in them. It also gives you time to recharge and rest from the short but seemingly long and exhausting period of speaking.
First dates are a learning experience.
Some people find that their first dates work out well and end up getting themselves spouses on the first trial. For others, it takes a couple of first dates before finding someone who truly matches them.
Everyone wants the former, but unfortunately, the latter happens to be the most common experience.
Whatever your case may be, keep an open mind and stay open to the possibilities. If the first date brings all the things you wanted, good for you. If it doesn’t, you learned something about yourself and dating. Now you know a bit more about things you should or shouldn’t do on the next date, should you have it soon. It’s a win either way!
The more first dates you will go to, the more self-aware you’ll become and the more skilled you’ll get at first dates.
What about after the date? What should you do?
Should you wait for the other person to text and suggest a second date, or should you be the one to make a move? Well, there is no right or wrong way to go about this aspect. It all boils down to what makes you comfortable or more at peace.
Some introverts prefer going home after their first date and chewing themselves out for what they feel they shouldn’t have said, probably not knowing they made the other person see them in a good light.
Others prefer letting their date for the day know how they felt and whether or not they would want to see them for a second date.
However, if you look at things pragmatically, you’ll realize that the latter helps a great deal.
If you decide to text your date and let them know you enjoyed their company and would love to have a second date with them, the worst thing they can do is object to it. But, at least you will know for sure if they liked you or not as opposed to guessing and waiting for days or weeks for them to reach out.
On the brighter side, if they also liked how the date went and would love to see you again, you will also know for sure instead of assuming. And, now you can fantasize the whole night about the funny things they said and made you happy during the date (not to mention how many kids you want to have with them).
On the flip side, if you didn’t like them and they liked you, at least they will know where you stand, and you will let them down politely instead of having to make them feel bad when they ask you for a second date afterward.
Being bold and communicating your feelings will give your certainty and closure on how they felt about the date.
If the other person didn’t get stomach butterflies after the date with you, it’s still okay. It happens more often than you’d imagine.
Dating is a game of chance, and sometimes people are not meant for each other. And when you understand that, you see rejection as a door to new opportunities. Opportunities to meet more people and finally settle on the one who matches your vibes and energy.
So, don’t spend time sobbing over what was not meant to be. Rather, get back on the dating app, look for another potential date, and keep doing it until you finally meet the right person for you!
Now’s Your Chance
There’s never been a better time for introverts like you to date than now. Most of the things that often limit you from mingling and meeting someone who holds a piece of your heart have been handled by technology. All you need to do is get your smartphone, sign up for an account on your preferred dating app, and begin your dating journey. Somewhere out there is your person, the one you can binge-watch How I Met Your Mother with!