There is probably nothing that can compare to the hurt experienced when a spouse cheats. You thought you had finally found your prince charming and escaped all the troubles of single life. Only for them to follow you right into your married life.
These days, one of the most frustrating forms of infidelity is online dating while in committed relationships. The worst part is that it is difficult for many people to determine whether or not it is cheating especially if it all remained online.
So, what does it mean when you find you wife on a dating site?
Is it cheating if he/she did nothing?
Before we get into details on what to do when you find your husband or wife on Ashley Madison or another affair dating site, lets first clear up the huge debate. Cheating is cheating. Bottom line. End of story. Please do not argue. It doesn’t matter if it’s the alleged harmless flirting kind or they moved it offline into a physical relationship. Do not brush it off simply because they say that they didn’t do anything.
The chances are that they are lying about it or they would have ended up doing something worse had you not caught up. As a result, it is very important to ensure that you handle the situation with the same zest as you would have normal cheating. So here are a few things you could do to help you through these hard times.
How to deal with finding your spouse on a dating site
1. Be open about it without being confrontational
One of the biggest challenges when it comes to these situations is striking a balance between being honest and avoiding boxing your partner into a corner. If you go in guns blazing, you will not achieve much. Most caught spouses take the hard defense stance and will deny everything or shift blame.
Instead, calm down, gather the facts and present them in such a way that there is no chance to argue. It is also important for you to explain how betrayed and hurt you feel. Sometimes this is the only way to get them to see that what they did wasn’t ok.
2. Ask them why they did it
There is no justifiable reason for a married or committed person to have an online dating profile. However, giving them a chance to explain themselves can help if you plan on fixing things. So ask them to explain and give them a chance to finish. You need to let your beau speak his or her mind. Even if it hurts have a DTR talk.
3. Work on any issues that could have contributed
Once you have gotten them to open up about their reasons, you need to be willing to work on those issues. Maybe she feels that you do not give her enough attention and compliments. It could be that your husband feels like your relationship dynamics constantly bruise his ego.
That does not in any way mean that it is your fault. Not at all. However, if there are things that can change that will help, then it is best to address them early.
4. Make them deactivate their profiles
You cannot move forward while the problem persists. Therefore, even while you have your heart to heart talks, it is important to remember and address the main issue. Insist that they deactivate all dating site accounts. Do not put it as an ultimatum but make sure to be clear about how important it is to you.
5. Keep it between the two of you
You will be tempted to share your anger, hurt and disappointment with anything that has a pulse. Don’t do it if you plan on giving it another try. If you feel you really must let it out talk to someone who is unbiased like a therapist. Telling friends or family will make them form negative notions against your spouse which will make it impossible for you to bounce back as a healthy relationship couple.
6. If you can, then forgive them
All factors considered you need to let it go. Forgive your partner and try your best to put the past behind you. It means that bringing it up in future arguments is a major no-no.
7. If you can’t forgive, then leave
If for some reason you cannot let it go then do not torture yourself. Marriage is a big deal, and it is a serious commitment, but it is also important that you look out for yourself. Considering an exit strategy is especially important if your partner has a significant history of cheating on you and making promises that he doesn’t bother to keep.