For so many women, being single is the absolute bomb. You get to go wherever you want, stay out late, flirt with anyone, and basically just have unrestricted fun.
There’s no worrying about why he didn’t text you back or whose picture he just liked on Instagram.
Despite all that fun, it can get lonely, though.
But don’t worry!
You haven’t lost your “strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man” card for occasionally wanting to have someone in your life.
When you are finally ready to get back in the game and fight for your happy ending, there are a few steps you will need to take.
It’s not as easy as just waking up one day, wishing for Mr. Right, and getting him the next day. But you could always try that just for good measure. Who are we to limit your fairy godmother’s abilities, right?
If that doesn’t work, and it probably won’t, here are our top tips and tricks for finding the right guy.
3 Reasons why you still haven’t found the right guy
1# You subconsciously choose to stay single.
Believe it or not, sometimes, even women who are desperate to find a significant other secretly don’t want a relationship at all.
Now that may sound counterintuitive, but it’s nothing but fear in reality. Many independent, successful women are afraid to find a long-term partner simply because it means they would have to give up on their freedoms and independence.
When you get too comfortable living and going through life alone, it will only get harder to compromise and change your habits and patterns.
Most women sometimes also believe they can’t have it all or are not good enough to achieve optimal work-life balance. For example, a businesswoman wants a family but is afraid it will mean the end of her career. Or she really wants a stable and healthy relationship but is hesitant to show her vulnerable side.
Then there is trauma, whether caused by an ex-partner or even a male family member. Even though some women have felt lonely after a breakup, they start enjoying life as a single woman. So, the moment a woman forms a deeper bond with a guy, and he pushes a button, she starts withdrawing.
All these things are valid triggers that make a woman act a certain way that pushes the guy even further away, sabotaging the relationship.
2# You see yourself as expendable.
Do you feel like you are a magnet for all the wrong men in the world?
Maybe you’ve had enough of online flops and want to give up on dating altogether?
Are the guys really into you, not the ones YOU are interested in?
Or do you want to commit, but you keep bumping into guys with commitment issues?
And this keeps repeating like a vicious circle?
Well, the reason behind this might be that you are making yourself seem expendable. But what does that mean?
It means that guys either see you as the “One and Only” or the “One of Many,” and believe it or not, you are the one who sets the tone!
There will always be someone better, brighter, and more handsome than your ideal guy, but if you keep shuffling, you may find yourself in the “One of Many” basket and eventually end up empty-handed.
Actually, it’s all about forming a connection on a deeper emotional level instead of giving in to your urges and catering to a guy’s physical needs.
That being said, it doesn’t mean you should settle for someone who isn’t a great fit. But there is also nothing wrong with finding love in the early stages of your dating life. Some people just get lucky light that, and if you bumped into a good guy with whom you simply click, stick with him!
3# Your dating game is off.
Finding the will to pick up a conversation and be flirty after a long day at work doesn’t always come easy. But you don’t have to work hard; you just have to work smart!
Like so many girls; you need to hack your flirting game and learn to sniff out time-waters from actual decent matches.
If you are more comfortable dating online, use high-value banter to filter out narcissists, abusers, and emotionally crippled guys. You’ll get better with time.
And if you prefer meeting people in person, start getting more comfortable initiating a conversation and flirting face to face. Obviously, approach only men who will make the cut as decent and safe, or you will also be attracting bad guys.
Follow your intuition and rely on your own body (which is btw an exemplary bullshit detector) to figure out if a guy is worth your time and effort.
This is in no way an invitation for serial dating or keeping men on rotation just to keep yourself entertained. It only means you need to get better with your words and improve your dating game.
How to increase your chances of meeting the right guy
Here are 11 easy steps to finding Mr. Right:
Let “you know who” go
When figuring out how to find the right man, the most important tip is to be the right girl. This means dealing with all your baggage and working to make yourself the very best version of yourself.
One key step here is letting go of any exes you still have residual feelings for.
These guys keep you from being fully emotionally available and will always be the template you base your unhealthy relationships comparisons.
So, let him go. Take as much time as you need, but let him go!
Choosing to put yourself out there searching for true love is a real leap of faith. Above all else, you need to have faith in yourself and your worth. This is important as it ensures you will not settle for anything other than what is best for you.
You also need to have faith in the process. Whether you choose to find love online or through more old-fashioned ways, you will have some hits and misses. Just trust that things will work out, and they will.
As with any other opportunity, a romantic connection is something you need to be prepared for. There is, of course, the internal makeover you need to work on. This includes addressing any insecurities or hurtful past and starting the healing process.
Being prepared also means working on your external self. Get in shape, figure out your style, and just take extra good care of yourself. You have nothing to lose!
Change your attitude
Nothing will slow your romantic progress toward meeting the right guy as effectively as a horrible attitude. So drop it!
It could be anything from holding on to toxic stereotypes of the opposite sex to the feeling you are above the whole process of finding love.
People pick up on these no matter how subtle you think you are. So check yourself before you ruin your chances of finding love.
Get away from the romcom and fairytale mentality of love
Love is not a fairytale. Single men in real life aren’t those perfect knights in shining armor that you grew up seeing in romcoms.
Unfortunately, these views might be etched so deep in your mind that you actually dismiss awesome guys because they don’t meet those unrealistic expectations.
No guy is perfect. That’s why it’s Mr. Right and not Mr. Flawless.
Get off social media
Putting yourself out there is not just about being vulnerable. You actually have to get a social life, which means putting down your phone and making real-life guy friends.
Make time to go out whenever you can. It could be a fun girl’s night out, a new class, or even finally signing up to the gym.
In addition to giving you an actual life, freeing yourself from your social media cocoon also puts you in better situations to meet amazing people offline.
Leave your safe space for a minute (it’s not that bad)
You will not meet the right guy or the man of your dreams stuck in your comfort zone.
I mean, if it hasn’t worked so far, then why should you keep trying the same things?
Instead, challenge yourself to try different activities:
- Expand your social circle
- Open yourself up to new ideas and experiences
This increases your chances of meeting new people, and maybe your beau is out there with them.
And if you start dating a guy who has never been in a relationship, don’t be scared to take the lead!
Consider unconventional dating platforms
These days, chance meetings at a coffee shop, a friend’s birthday bash, or in the library do not happen as often. Things like app dating, speed dating, and matchmaking platforms are all the rage.
You might still like things old-fashioned, but it really doesn’t hurt to throw your hat into one or all of these rings.
Remember the getting out of your comfort zone tip? Here is a great place to start!
You can even try international dating apps and try to get a boyfriend from abroad. I heard that Eastern European men are great to date, and Argentine men are just so handsome! And you’ll be surprised to see that it is not so difficult to start a long-distance relationship.
Don’t settle, but don’t be too picky either
Is he right for me?
Well, even with all the qualities one can expect, the only way to answer that is knowing what you want and what is right for you.
Feel free to be as cheesy as possible and come up with an actual physical list if you feel you must.
Include what you aren’t willing to compromise on and what you can negotiate regarding values and traits.
Then, whenever that question of whether or not he is right comes up, you can just consult your trusty little list.
Actively pursue your interests
If you are into sports and fitness, then join a local team or sign up for a gym. If you love art, then take a painting class. If it is music that gets you going, why not learn a new instrument?
You are probably wondering right now, “How will this help me find a good man?”
Well, I’m glad you asked.
On the one hand, it ensures that you are working on improving yourself as an individual and becoming Mrs. Right in your own right. (Pun very much intended.)
It also increases your chances of meeting the right person, someone who is on the same page as you.
Start your search from home base
Sometimes, this one guy that you are looking for happens to be right under your nose.
It could be that old childhood friend you always had in the friend zone. Or maybe it is your colleague who keeps dropping hints that you just aren’t picking up.
Open your eyes to the potential already around you, and you might be surprised.
Best Places To Meet the Right Guy for You
Parties with mutual friends
With the dating scene moving online, it’s easier than ever to score a date. It seems like your soulmate is only a swipe or a click away. Sparks are flying, and you are running high on adrenaline and excitement, but what are the odds this stranger is a perfect match for you?
Let’s just say you have better chances of finding a great guy through your friends’ circle. Join them at a party or a function that other friends and acquaintances of theirs will attend too, and if a guy happens to catch your eye, your friends will be there to give you a green or red light.
At the beach
There is something healing about calm turquoise waters, golden sands, and the sun high in the sky. Maybe that’s why so many people go to the beach to mend a broken heart. You will see plenty of guys soul-searching after a nasty breakup, but there will be those ready to get back on the saddle.
So why not use the opportunity and fly yourself off to a tropical paradise. Who knows, you may find your Mr. Right while sipping on a delicious, cold cocktail.
Holy places of worship
Strong faith used to be one of the features women held in the highest regard when deciding whether to date a man or not. But, don’t get discouraged, there are still men of faith out there, and the best place to find them even today would be a worship place.
This in no way means you should start going to mass just to score a date, but if faith is important to you too, you can join a church activity or even become part of bible studies for adults. You can learn so much about life, love, and faith, and hopefully, a nice gentleman will see how awesome you truly are. Plus, your faith will make your bond even stronger.
At the gym
Train together, stay together! Cheesy right? Well, not necessarily. Couples who share fitness goals are often strong, devoted, and ready to put in the work necessary to make the relationship work.
Maybe your guy is at the gym next door or at the tennis court or swimming at the local pool. As long as you have the tiniest intent to hit the gym, don’t shy away and buy yourself a membership. Maybe while you are focusing on your own fitness goals, you will grab the attention of a nice guy looking for a serious relationship.
If you are a passionate reader, maybe it’s time to switch the Kindle for an actual library and increase your chances of finding a fellow bookworm.
Even though the library is usually a quiet place where people go to dive into an imaginary world, study or do research, some of them choose to break the silence and start a casual conversation. You can also join a book club and meet people from all walks of life who don’t only read but also share their insights. Listen carefully and let words guide you to a great guy.
Charity events and organizations
Do you need to brush up on your socializing skills? If so, there is no place better than a charity event. This is where your best qualities get to shine, and for a special cause, you deeply believe in.
Of course, these events also attract great guys who like helping the less fortunate and utilizing their skills for something that has the potential to change people’s lives. Many of them are also looking for a gal that shares the same passions and perspective on life. You may just be the lucky one.
Classes, Courses, Clubs
Once beyond the initial physical attraction, couples usually bond and stay together because of mutual interests, hobbies, and shared activities. This is why being part of a club, or a class can ease your way into groups of people you have a lot in common with, among which can be talented, handsome guys.
Depending on your genuine interests, you can sign up for cooking lessons, sports clubs, pottery and art classes, photography or astronomy association, a choir, music groups, etc. Having said that, it’s a lot easier to bond with people over a shared interest, and once you start making friends, you can take that connection a step further and get to know a guy you like on a more personal level.
Final Thoughts on Finding the Right Man
The greatest secret of how to attract the right man is simply not to try too hard.
I know, it is quite the paradox.
The thing is, if you try too hard, you might come across as desperate, which turns guys off fast or maybe even end up with a wrong guy. Trying too hard also frustrates you, which means you might end up giving up too early.
So relax and learn to take one day at a time. Your Prince Charming is going nowhere. He will come to you when his time is right! Maybe you’ll find a nice Virgo man to date; who knows?