Life is not a fairytale
For a long time now, society has believed that there is that one special person out there for every one of us. We have been made to believe that unless we find this metaphorical unicorn, we will never be complete. It is everywhere from the books we read to the movies we watch. However, numerous studies, surveys and social experiments have shown that this is probably the greatest scam of all time.
There is no such thing as Finding “The One.”
There is truly no such thing as ‘The One.’ There are, of course, great loves and perfect matches that we all strive to have in our lives. However to let yourself believe that only one man or woman can give you such fulfillment is a great injustice to yourself.
Think of it this way, a lot of people remarry after divorce and getting widowed. If they took time to heal and mourn their losses, it isn’t impossible for them to give all of their love to someone new.
The same applies to any other relationship. No matter how much you loved each other, there is always someone else out there who could make you just as happy if not more if only you gave them a chance.
3 reasons why you need to let go of this mindset
Believing this myth could hurt not only your relationship but also your love life. Here are the three main ways this happens.
1. It blinds you to the potential out there
If you are so fixated on finding this mystery man or woman that will make you whole there is a good chance that you will not give really good people a chance. More often than not the belief is accompanied by a list of must-have traits that you believe your perfect partner will have. So anyone who doesn’t meet the criteria doesn’t stand a chance.
It is not only unhealthy but hinders you from enjoying what variety there is out there. You might just be surprised at how amazing your connection is with that short, pale and not so handsome guy you ignore.
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2. It makes you stay where you shouldn’t
The opposite effect of blocking out great partners is hanging on to toxic ones, and this is just as bad.
For example, you might find yourself lowering your self-worth and letting your partner get away with things that he or she should not. All because you think that they are your soul mate and you will never have it as better than you have it in that relationship. Hanging on is without a doubt one of the unhealthiest mindsets you can have about love and relationships.
3. It could create an unhealthy obsession with a past lover
Getting obsessed happens to even the best of us. You somehow dared to break free of that one person you were convinced was The One. The relationship was toxic, and you just had enough. Or maybe it is that ex who felt this way towards you. Whatever the case, there is usually a feeling of greater loss than normal thus the notion of ‘The One that got away’ was born.
Having such special feelings for some even after you break up is the fastest way to starve and destroy your new one. You will always consciously or subconsciously compare the two which is not only unhealthy but also unfair to your new partner.
What should you believe?
• Love takes time; it just takes less of it for some of us and more for others.
• Everyone’s story is different and in its way beautiful.
• It is all about putting in the work no matter who you’re with and how special you feel your bond is.
• Everyone deserves to be happy; even you. Especially you.
• You do not owe anyone anything so do not stick around when things start to get toxic.
In a nutshell, the idea of ‘The One’ is all in your mind. Once you let go of this notion, you will be liberated and in a great relationship to have healthier relationships than you ever imagined possible. However, this does not mean that you can get along well with just about anyone who looks your way. Not at all. The important thing is to establish compatibility and be willing to put in the work that it takes to build a relationship.